SPOtastic

I am just doing a test of sorts - but please enjoy this sexy/creepy photo of my dog.

On Tuesday I took a trip with two or my more mature friends to see Bodies the Exhibition: A phenomenal Look at the phenomena we call the human body.
Friend One: Eric – writer for a tv show, where the star puts food on his face.
Friend Two: Ben – alcoholic & Casanova – in that order.
Me: I like poop jokes and crazy fetuses

This trip was gonna RAWK!

Bodies the Exhibition basically is 5 rooms full of real bodies and body parts. Nothing came across gross to me, all of it was real, although it looked fake at some points because of the technique they used to preserve. After later research I learned that there has been some controversy with how the bodies were obtained. They all came from a Chinese University and were either Poor, unclaimed or unidentified.


HIGHLIGHTS:

Two year old girl running around a skeleton while her mother just asked her to “calm down.” She was not asked to stop running around this poor skeleton, just to calm down.
A patient serial killer had been born.

The full corpse with his layers of muscles cut and splayed out, and Eric wondering if the body would mind if he ate some of his beef jerky. (he looked like beef jerky). You had to be there. Wait you get it? okay good.

The butt holes, and the hair that remained on them.

THE FETUS ROOM!!!!
This was my favorite part. There were so many poor, unclaimed and unidentified Fetuses.
The coolest were the ones that had their organs removed, and then their bones were filled with black and red die. I was waiting for these things to bust out of their cases, form an army and make the 2 year old their leader.

The set of breasts with cancer: Eric and Ben both appreciated woman a lot more.
Then we moved to the next room and they thumb blasted a British woman.

Making fart noises.

The Comments.
At the end of the exhibit, they had a table with binders of loose-leaf paper that were to be used for comments on what we liked or disliked about the exhibit. As three comedians, we realized we would never be able to top the shit that was in these books.

Comment highlights: (as exact as I can remember)

“You need more straight up dead people.”

“I noticed a lot of the bodies were Chinese. More diversity would be nice. Also serve Sushi at the end, and more dinosaurs.” (with a drawing of a giant dinosaur)

A drawing of a slice of Pepperoni and Fetus Pizza.


Then we drove to a diner and ate burgers, chicken fingers, and unborn chicken eggs.

Today I don't understand the following three things.

NUMBER ONE

How can it be 2006, and we still have miners getting trapped. I thought we totes invented Robots and shit?
Those families in West Virginia should not be going through this.
Let's make a new years resolution and not allow disasters of the 1800's occur in the 2000's.


NUMBER TWO

Why this dude is going to make 7 million dollars a year.

I thought douche was invented for this type of shit. Get rid of the STANK GOO!
(My new nick name for Ryan Seacrest is STANK GOO)

NUMBER THREE

Why won't babies 'stick' inside of me?*




*I am not trying to have babies.
I am trying to have more abortions.

Have you heard about this?

The Million Dollar Homepage

Some smarty trousers in England came up with an idea, where he would sell each pixel on his homepage for 1 dollar.
His page has 1,000,000 aka One Million aka 1 Million aka 1 x 1,000,000.
As of this post, he has only 1,000 pixels left to sell.
Who are the idiots who fell for this? Because I have a great idea.

Every Hair on my head is now officially for sale. I will sell you my hair. One strand of Hair for 1 Dollar.

I have a Bagillion strands of hair on my head.

I predict that by February 3rd - I will be a half Bagillionaire.
I predict that by March 24th - I will be 3/4 of a Bagillionaire.
On May 1st - I will be a Bagillionaire.

To purchase one or more hairs off of my head please email

Bagillionaire at hotmail dot com

Please submit how many hairs you want, why, what kind of life you will provide them, and a promise to send me pictures for the rest of their lives untill they are lost, stolen or murdered.

If I find you are suitable purchaser, I will provide you with further information so that you can pay for and recieve the hair(s).

Please note: I will take requests as to what part of my head you want your hair to come from, but can not gaurentee you will get a hair from the spot.

I look forward to your emails.

I arrived home this morning (5am) in a condition I like to call "Not Sober."
With AVM away on business, I had to take Satch for a walk.
Then crashed hard.
I woke up around 1pm, took Satch for another walk, then honkered down for a poo.
My Neighbor also honkered down for a poo.
Her's was much more entertaining though. Why? Let me continue with the words that I type.


A short wet explosive poo drops into her toilet.
She laughs like Nelson from the Simpsons.
She flushes.
She leaves.

I am not sure she wiped, I don't think there was time.

This was one of my first sounds of the New Year.